Compassion

Learning to hold your own hand

So we've established honesty with ourselves, and also with others, and sometimes that can be painful. So we need some balm, some softness in the areas we have exposed of ourselves which is where self-compassion comes in.

Developing self compassion for many can be seen as one of the most challenging parts to cultivating our foundation. This is where many of us fall down as we are generally more accustomed to beating ourselves up with the numerous stories of "Insert something = not enough-ness here".

The thing is self compassion supports us in learning how to hold our own hand and must be cultivated from the inside-out. Although internally cultivated it is often inspired by being around examples of people be compassion towards themselves or kind enough to be compassionate with us, who inspire us of what we are capable of being.

The reason self-compassion is important is because often we seek out in others what we need to fill within ourselves and that can put a lot of pressure in our relationships and communities as we seek out attention, love and validation from them. These can slowly become really burdensome in those contexts because we are asking people to carry, what we essentially should learn to carry for ourselves.

So it's integral to learn to be that anchor and strong sense of support first and foremost to ourselves. Learning to sooth our own fears and be present for ourselves when our emotional selves need it, no matter what.

I am sure we all have our ways of navigating away from this to compensate for the challenging emotions we feel. Mine is generally overworking. When i start to feel really emotional, I get really busy!

Writing to your fear from a place of love, telling the inner child everything she would love to hear is a great antidote and practice, that has been incredibly transformative in my life, thank you Elizabeth Gilbert. Used best in moments when you are feeling anxiety, or stressed, nervous, or upset about something.

Here's an example:

"Dear Nicole, I hear that you feel frightened that people may judge you for posting all this content online, and think who the fuck are you, what makes you credible to share this methodology? I just want you to know that no matter what, I am here for you. And regardless of what people think of you, and even if they do think you are a fraud, or you are left feeling silly or strange about it. I will love you no matter what. Because what you do, or what you publish does not equate your worth in my eyes. To me I will always love you unconditionally, and always have your back, you got this"

So next time you notice you're being hard on yourself, try writing to your fears from a place of care, compassion and love.